But adoption is something near and dear to my heart, and I have always thought that I and my husband would adopt at least one child at some point (preferably two children).
Most people reading this know that many people in my family were adopted. My mom, her brother and sister, as well as two of my brothers and all three of my sisters were each adopted from a different biological family. Adoption, to me, is a very normal and beautiful way to build a family. Though you may not agree with my choice of words, it is also a very natural way to build a family.
As I write this, I remember the words from Scripture and the Rich Mullins song, "Remember you did not choose Me, no, I have chosen you." God has chosen His people for adoption as sons. We did not choose Him, He chose us. It is a dizzying concept, one which I myself do not fully understand though I have been a Believer for 27 years. But it is the truth.
But I digress.
I often think and plan about a great many things, and this evening I once again was googling the questions in my head revolving around adoption. And tonight I realized that there is so much I do NOT understand.
As the daughter and sister and niece of adopted people, I always thought I had an "insider's view" on the issue. And in a way, I do. But I was not adopted myself. There is so much I can only attempt to understand, much less sympathize with. I always knew that it would be great for my future adopted kids to have my mother as their Nana, and my siblings and extended family who've been adopted to click with. But I have only scraped the surface of how deeply an adopted person feels about their adoption.
First, I read this post written by a parent who adopted children. For me, the joy of gaining each of my brothers and sisters overshadowed any negativity that was present in the situation. I remember vividly when we adopted my closest sister (the second sibling who joined our family via adoption) as a newborn. I was almost five years old. I remember going into a room full of stuffed animals (I really liked stuffed animals), and seeing a young woman crying and holding my sister. I couldn't understand why she was so sad. How could anyone be sad today?! I was finally getting the little sister I had prayed for! We girls wouldn't be out-numbered anymore! Later in life I found out that that woman was her biological or birth mother. But even after that realization, I still tend to walk in a happy fog when it comes to adoption. I mean, my family is soooo incredibly AWESOME!!! God is SO good to us! He formed our family in a way that not everybody gets to experience, and I love how unique we are! But there is so much more to it than that.
Second, I read this link written by an adoptee. It shed even more light on the subject. My brothers and sisters have never spoken with me about what it's like to be adopted. And to their credit, I don't think I have ever asked them. Not that it's a secret or shameful or anything like that. It simply never occurred to me. Many of you might be confused by this. But they are just as much my siblings as my biological older brother is. There is NO difference! We each have our similarities and differences. We each get along with each other in some ways but sourly disagree on other things. I remember vividly the first time it became obvious to me that other people not in my family don't think of us the way I do. When I was about ten years old, my closest sister and I were in a car accident while riding with our friend and her mom. I was the oldest of the three girls, and so while our friend's mom was talking with the police, I spoke for the three of us to the EMTs while we waited in the back of a parked ambulance for our parents. They asked me who each of us was. I calmly replied, "I'm Amanda, this is my friend Ashley, and this is my sister, Vanessa." They looked at me like I was crazy! They asked me if I hit my head, or if I meant that Vanessa was Ashley's sister. No! Wasn't it obvious that Vanessa was my sister?! Duh!!!! But I guess since I'm white, Ashely is black, and Vanessa is both, they misunderstood. And related to the link above, my family has never talked much about who we resemble physically or otherwise. It has been a strange experience for me to see how often this subject comes up, now that I am a parent to two children who happen to be biologically mine.
Finally, I read this link with interviews of four women who each placed their child up for adoption. I figured while I was getting everyone else's view on the subject, it was time to read up on the birth parents' perspective. I appreciate that the women also go into how much or little the birth father was involved, and what his desires were (or weren't...) related to the giving up of their child for adoption into another family. I have met my mom's birth father (now deceased), and I have met some of my aunt's biological family, and I briefly met my youngest sister's biological siblings, and I might have seen my uncle's birth brother, but beyond that I do not think I have met any of my relatives' biological family. From what I know personally and from reading, the birth family has the hardest time of everyone being open about their decision and feelings regarding placing their child for adoption. And I have not even attempted to read the account of someone whose child was taken from them because the State deemed them unfit to parent... That is a different perspective entirely!
All this to say, I still want to consider adoption. But I want to continue to thoughtfully and prayerfully consider it. I do not want to go into it selfishly, nor thoughtlessly. In most adoptions, the child does not choose their adopted family, just as a biological child does not choose to be born to his birth parents. But just as God the Father has chosen His children out of this world to form a beautiful family, so we can do here on earth, providing a glimpse of what Heaven will look like. The Church here on earth is full of people who are different from each other in just about any way you can think of, yet we are united as one family under Christ in God. He is our head, our big brother. He is the only "biological child" of our Father, yet we are all welcome as part of His family. Sure, we may look like misfits to some on the outside. But God knows better. We are a beautiful picture of what grace in action looks like. We each have our hurts and scars from the past, but we also each have the Holy Spirit in us who heals us and helps us through each and every painful day. We each have hope.
Another Christian song's lyrics come to mind:
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for morning
Peace for despair
That is my prayer for each and every one of you, and especially for those who have been adopted, who have adopted a child, or have placed a child for adoption (intentionally or not). May my God adopt you as His son, and may you rest under the shadow of His wings.
My immediate family at Christmastime, 2015 (plus the spouses and kids of us marrieds)
No comments:
Post a Comment