After an approximately 7-year hiatus, I've now been driving again for a couple of months. I'm starting to become more and more comfortable behind the wheel, and have gone places I hadn't before and other such adventures recently.
But since we only have one car, when I use it during the week we all go with DH to work and MJ and I pick him up at the end of the day so we can use it while he's working. We usually do this 1-2 days a week, because it's a long day when we do. Also, DH works late two days a week and we can't use it then (pick-up time would be after MJ's bedtime). My mom usually comes to hang out one day a week and a friend often takes us somewhere another day so we're really only home all day 1-2 days a week, which I like. And we can still take the bus to the mall if we get desperate to do more than take a walk outside.
At first it was scary driving without another adult (DH or my mom), but now I've gotten used to it. That and managing MJ in the car and parking lots alone. Driving is a very different experience now that I'm a momma! I'm so glad though that I started driving again once MJ had become more self-sufficient. He was so needy for the first year or so, I think it would've been a stress-overload if I'd gotten behind the wheel again at that stage.
This morning we went to a new library story time. We'd never been there and didn't know anyone there. MJ has trouble under such circumstances and today was no different. However, I hadn't anticipated his negative reaction. I'd been hoping he'd just enjoy the story time. Instead, he screamed or whined and begged to leave, even faking a full diaper. I eventually took him out, and encouraged him to re-enter a few times. I offered to read him a book myself before leaving, so as not to waste the opportunity completely. He declined, and then after not finding anything better to do, tried to go back in again. But he still couldn't stand it. Finally the stories and songs ended, and it was craft time. He LOVED the craft--making little birds to glue on a nest. A couple of his favorite books have birds in nests ("Little Beanie's Bed/Soramamekunno Beddo" and "Are You My Mother?"), so he was extremely proud of his picture. I hope we can try again next week. Maybe he'll get used to it and start sitting through the whole thing if we go often enough.
He was so happy with that picture he/we made, he carried it with both hands and wouldn't put it down the whole way home! When we first got in the car after story time, I told him he could show it to Daddy when we picked him up from work. But when we got home, he excitedly ran to where Daddy usually sleeps to show him his picture. He was shocked and disappointed to see the bed empty. He had been there when we dropped him off at work. And I'd just told him 15 minutes before when he could show it to him. But I guess he forgot.
Pity and a warm loving feeling welled up in me when I saw all this. I felt bad that he couldn't show his picture to his daddy right then as he's hoped, yet relieved that I knew he'd see him again (Lord willing!!). I can't imagine the intense feeling mothers have when their little ones look for daddies who are gone longer than a day, or even forever... I think I'd fall apart if I were in that place. I pray I never am but must trust that God will make a way if (God forbid!!) anything ever does happen to my darling.
So driving without MJ's daddy has been a new experience for both of us. Yet I think it's working out to be a good one.
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